My Life as Annie

As Christians we read in Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance

Knowing this, we are aware that there will be times when our hearts hurt and break. Each of us has experienced that heart break in one form or another. Thinking back on your life, what makes your heart break, and why?

I heart memes, I heart kim, and I heart cafe chat…BUT it seems like every one lately has taken me back to Isabelle’s accident! Hmmm… I tried to think of something different that is heart breaking to write about but this just trumps it all. From seeing my child dead, to giving her cpr, to the nightmare three month hospital stay with all the terrible happenings, to missing the other three kids, to seeing the pain in their eyes, to seeing them cope with it and move on with life, to finding pictures (pre-accident) of Izzy tucked away in their rooms, knowing they look at them and are haunted by them. From the what if’s and where we would be had this not happened, to the look how much we’ve grown in the Lord… from not dwelling in the past, to trusting God with Izzy and our future. From the doctors negative prognosis’ to God’s perfect plan. She is healed in Jesus’ name.

It is all heartbreaking. All of it. But, we have God… and He’s in the heart healing business!

Today was Izzy’s first day of Summer School, which is basically a short session with PT and OT at school. It is on Wednesdays throughout June and July. Today we saw Camilla (our favorite ) and the representative from an equipment company came to try her out in a semi new product called Kid Walk. It is really hard to describe, but it holds her in place securely while allowing her oppportunity to move. It is really a neat thing and I was impressed with several things.

1. She is never very happy in any type of standing device and she seemed pretty comfortable in this.
2. She looked pretty good in it and her legs looked good.
3. She could easily move.
4. She did try to initiate a step or two at the beginning.

It did make her very tired. We moved from that to try a lightweight stroller because she is outgrowing hers and she almost went to sleep she was so comfortable in this. We are hoping to get a good deal on this demo model. They retail for about 2K and so we’ll see. He’s supposed to let us know about pricing later today. I don’t think insurance will pay for another stroller yet because she got the big one about a year ago. We can’t use it because it’s too heavy to get in and out of the car so it’s brand new. It is also really big. This one is lightweight like the one we’ve been using, just bigger. It was really comfortable to her and that’s huge because she is rarely comfortable in anything.

I took a few pictures of her in the equipment because it is so hard to describe. Of course she had a slew of therapist messing with her the entire time. I’d like to see her in it alone, just left to do whatever and see if she tries to move. I think she would!

This morning I met with Camilla, Izzy’s P.T. at school, to look at a lightweight stroller that a rep brought in for another child in the school. Because Camilla knew that Izzy is outgrowing her lightweight stroller and that her newest chair is too heavy to get in and out of the car she invited me to come and see this stroller. I think it is a good stroller and hope that we can get it for Isabelle.

From there I went to Emelia’s school for her award’s assembly. I walked in the school through the gym where the awards are usually given out. They were finishing up kindergarten graduation. My niece was there with her son who was graduating from kindergarten along with other familiar faces. I found Emelia’s class in the media center just beginning to receive awards. When her class stood at the end of the ceremony she quickly found me and looked content that I was there. I am not nearly as involved in her school life as I was with Amanda and Bailey. I was always the home room mom, always there. With Isabelle I just am not. there. But I do try to make it for special things like this.

As I was running errands this afternoon after dropping Izzy off at school I kept thinking about the kindergarten graduation. I couldn’t help but feel sad, knowing that had things been different, Izzy would be there graduating from kindergarten. Instead I was investigating stroller options. I mentioned that the four year mark came and went last week and really those dates don’t affect me that much. It is more the things like today that are hard to shake off. Little things can also be difficult like seeing a mother with a little girl about that age. Seeing what she should be. What she would be.

Again I swallow hard and keep going. Keeping my faith. Knowing it will all work out. Trusting God.

It’s Tuesday! I went to bed really early last night and slept like a baby.

Tonight is FLO (for ladies only) at church.

It’s always uplifting and enjoyable.

I really felt the enemy’s grip on me loosen the last few days. It seemed to really be strong right after I agreed to teach the junior high girls class. I believe the devil uses all kinds of things to trip us up. he (I refuse to capitalize he referring to him… even if it’s incorrect grammar) seems to know what bothers us at the time and it just distracts us from our path. The first morning I had to make it to class I prepared like a crazy woman because I knew it was going to be a battle. I never would have written anything like this a few years ago, and would probably have thought it was crazy.

I guess I am saying I refuse to be distracted. My eye is on the “prize.” I’m thankful to God for His love and blessings. period.

Tomorrow is a really hard anniversary, but I know God has great plans for us and for Isabelle. Four years. It’s been a long journey, but I am thankful that I can still say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and I’m thankful that He has brought me closer into His presence because I would not have made it to this point without Him.

So yesterday I took Izzy to school and I normally back my suburban into a spot close to the school. I have done that for the past three years… The bus was in the way so I just parked behind the bus to take Izzy in. This is the drop off spot for her class. Anyway, I took her in and then came out and noticed the second bus was behind me so I rushed to my car and got in to pull out as fast as possible for the bus. Before I could even get my car out of park the bus behind me whipped around the side of my car really freakishly close and pinned me in behind the first bus. I knew it was deliberate. It was very obvious. I decided not to get uptight about it and just relax and wait for the bus to unload. No big deal. After that bus left the first bus driver came running out of her bus and yelling, “don’t leave.” I thought she was going to gripe at me for parking there and I knew I was right to be parked there. Anyway, she came to my window and looked like she was about to cry and said that she saw what the bus did and knew it was deliberate. She said she was so upset that that bus had pinned me in and that I was supposed to be there to let my daughter go into school. She wrote down the bus supervisor’s number and the bus number that had pinned me in. She said she was planning to complain and wanted me to as well. I haven’t yet. I kinda decided to let it go… what do you think I should do? Complain or let it go?

So, onto another subject… today I went with Amanda to shop for some things for Lorenzo. Don’t you know it’s their six month anniversary of going out together? Apparently this is HUGE! Anyway, we were coming out of Walmart and the lady who stands at the door and says, “welcome to walmart.” was there and Amanda had on sandals that had heels and I had on flip flops that were flat, making us about the same height. So the lady said, “Are you girls identical twins?” We just smiled and I said, “no. Mother and daughter.” So she said, “Who is the mother and who is the daughter?” Again, I laughed a little and said, “I’m the mom.” Her jaw dropped. It was hilarious. HELLO! Anyway she went on and on about how she could not believe I was the mother and wanted to know what my secret was. I’m not sure Amanda enjoyed this encounter at all, it was a little awkward… but who doesn’t like to be told they look young? Is the lady senile? Probably. I don’t care. I’ll take it anyway.

Last but not least I finally found a trampoline today to replace ours that was destroyed in the ice storm. Our Sam’s club has been out of them and has 14 on order forever so while Matt, Emelia, and I were across town we zipped into the Sam’s there and they had two. Bailey was very excited! It’s square and has the enclosure with it. I hope we get it assembled tomorrow.

Amanda should be home anytime and then I’m headed to dreamland! Goodnight!

Aren’t these shoes adorable??? I so want them for Iz!!!

Again I’m sitting here, eyes half opened wondering, “Is it really Monday, already?” I do know that it is really Monday, but it seems like they come so fast! It was a busy weekend, busier than most. Now it’s Spring break! I was so glad Jenny was okay, you know she was at the Georgia dome thing when that tornado hit? Very scary! I heard (on Matt’s XM radio) early Saturday morning that a tornado had hit there and I knew she was there even though I didn’t.

Annie was great. Crowded, but great. There was not an open seat in the entire place. It was a little too crowded for my taste, but it was really good so I suppose it was worth it. My favorite character was Ms. Hannigan. She did such a great job. The song “Little Girls,” was great! The lead did a great job as Annie. She had a strong voice and was enjoyable. Me & Emelia got red “Annie” t-shirts and wore them to church last night. Fun stuff.

Yesterday morning at church (Palm Sunday) there was an Easter egg hunt planned for the children. Before services were over I was called out to find Izzy crying (hysterically) in her class. I am really not sure what the problem was. I took her out of her chair and she seemed to calm down. They had taken the Easter bunny in to see her and found her upset. I really don’t think she was afraid of the bunny because later she was taking pictures right beside the bunny and not afraid at all. Not a great pic of Iz, but she had been so upset. She smiled when Miki took the first pictures (while I was waiting for my camera) so hopefully I’ll get those too.

They had a fun time hunting eggs. Me and Izzy were slow, we only found one egg by the time all the others had been picked up but we decided one egg was perfect for us. I stopped to let her hold the egg and to help her put it into her basket. That took a few minutes!

There’s so much more that happened this weekend, from the training from my old friend Jacki and seeing Clayton (who was a near drowning and completely healed around the time of izzy’s accident). He’s so cute. She had an oil company and wants me to do topos for her. I’ve never done topos? but I guess I will now! Then there was the trip to taco bell with the whole youth group… fun times! I’ll spare all those details and be back later to (hopefully) post a menu.

One last thought… Amanda is getting all four wisdom teeth cut out at 1 p.m. today.

Okay… updated because I thought of something else! Stacy send me a box of truffles! She was having a truffles book giveaway and I was so surprised to find chocolate in the mail! Thanks Stacy!!! ALSO I got a huge box in the mail on Saturday and it was full of the new bathroom stuff I ordered for the hall bathroom. It says believe on it and it is so pretty. Little fleur de lis shower curtain hooks even! cute!

We didn’t get to go see Bear today.

I called on our way to Edmond and he said his family was really ill and he thought it was a good idea if we waited a few days.

I was thankful that he told me, and that I called.