post Category: Uncategorized — mylifeasannie @ 9:26 am — post Comments (14)

I’ve been sort of freaking out about my upcoming birthday.  It’s a monumental one.  I just don’t feel forty. I almost can’t say it.  Seriously.  I’ve been doing a lot of psychoanalyzing on myself and have really had some realizations that  I think will help me through it.  First let me preface by saying I realize forty is young.  I know many people who are older than forty and seem very young to me so it’s not like I think forty is old. 

I have always been the young one.  I was the baby sister in a family with two older brothers.  I was one of the younger ones in school with an August birthday.  I started working for the State of Okahoma at 17 and was the youngest in the office.  Not only was I the youngest in years, I was always thought to be younger than my actual age.  People still mistake me for Amanda’s sister rather than her mother.  People act shocked to hear I am the age I am and instead of wearing that proudly I find myself embarrassed to admit my age and will sometimes be very vague about it saying simply, “I’m in my thirties.” which is not a lie.  Not for a few more days anyway.

Seeing Amanda grow up before my eyes and so quickly adds to the mix.  She is 19 now.  She leaves for her new home … a dorm room at the University of Oklahoma in a couple of weeks.  Don’t worry about a lack of activity in our household, there are still three to keep things moving, but there will be a huge void because she is such a big part of our daily lives.  I have compartmentalized these feelings waiting until the actual time to deal with it.  I’m good at that. Blue Cross North Carolina

So I have been thinking about beauty.  About associating youth with beauty.  I have been thinking about the fact that we all grow older…  About what I want to be when I grow up.  Not professionally, but just me.  Who I am and who I want to be.  I think I need to concentrate on inner beauty and stop freaking out about growing a year older.  I know it.  I hope that after the birthday comes and goes this thought will remain clear to me.

Horaayy..there are 14 comment(s) for me so far ;)

#1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY today, my sweet friend! 🙂

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nancy face wrote on August 9, 2009 - 9:57 am
#2

I turned forty 7 years ago. I don’t know why it didn’t bug me! The only big change for me with that birthday was that I decided not to give in to the obesity, diabetes and heart disease that the majority of my extended family dealt with. I began a serious plan for healthy eating and exercise and lost 40 pounds. That went a long way in making me feel younger and more energetic. 🙂

nancy face wrote on August 9, 2009 - 9:59 am
#3

I hope so too, Annie. I, like you was the youngest for years and years. Always the youngest in school….I graduated at 16. Always the youngest mother because I had my first child at 17, etc. etc. Now I’m among the oldest. Hey, it’s all been wonderful and glorious and I’ve enjoyed most every year of it.
Susan

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Susan wrote on August 9, 2009 - 2:15 pm
#4

Wow, sounds like we have alot in common, though I’m an only child. I too have been mistaken for my almost 18 year old daughter’s sister of friend, which feels wonderful at times until you have to reveal your 30’s age. My age never bothered me until I realized I only have one year til 40. Oh well, its not the worst of my issues and God knows what he’s doing. Looks like you have a handle on that one. I love your page. I could definitely use some pointers. My blog roll doesn’t even show, so I’ve let it lie for a while. im2cool_59404@yahoo keeps me young, lol God Bless.
Tara

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Tara wrote on August 9, 2009 - 2:34 pm
#5

“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Annie,
Happy Birthday to you!”

Oh Annie! I think the one most important thing is what you wrote towards the end: who do I really want to be? It is so usual to be defined by external factors, one’s work, for example, or one’s relationship to others.
One of the best things of growing up is the part of looking deep inside and saying: Alright, here we are! I have lived about half of my life expectency years, I have done most of what I was expected to do, finish school, go to college, getting married, having a family, getting a job, and so on. Now what about the person I am? Which direction now?
I think praying for that, for the internal knowledge that leads to peace, is an important part, now.
I wouldn’t disagree with Nancy, though. I nice physical shaping up is de rigueur, as well!
How do I know all that? Wise me, with God’s grace I shall be turning 40 in December!
Sweet kisses and hugs!
BTW:You are the youngest, most beautiful mom around, don’t let any voice tell you otherwise!

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Irene wrote on August 10, 2009 - 5:10 am
#6

You are beautiful inside and out.

I hope you had a wonderful birthday.

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yvonne wrote on August 10, 2009 - 8:53 am
#7

I so know how you are feeling (outside of being the youngest). I dreaded my 40th for the whole week before my b-day. I was very depressed and wanted to just sit in my room and cry.

You are a very beautiful lady! Now that the actual day is over, go out and enjoy being in your 40’s! One day soon someone will boost your self esteem as say you look like you are in your 20’s (just had this happen on Saturday and it made me feel like a million bucks!)

*hugs*

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Jodi wrote on August 10, 2009 - 12:19 pm
#8

I hope you had a wonderful birthday. I’ll be 40 in December so I know exactly what you are going through. I’m sort of freaking out about it. I know it’s just a number but I feel like I’m crossing over from young to old.
I think you look absolutely beautiful and you do look young. Didn’t someone just mistake you for Amanda’s sister??

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chupieandjsmama wrote on August 11, 2009 - 6:32 am
#9

I feel the same way you do about each birthday. I have a few years till 40 but I so want to just embrace where I am, who I am right now, and what the years will bring. This is something I have been working through for about a year I guess. So I understand. I get you : )
Anyway, you are amazing and gorgeous! You grow more beautiful each year. Honestly.
I kind of dread Alex turning 16 next year, then growing up and going away to college. On the other hand, I know kids have to grow up and I want to cherish it all. It’s a struggle!
You do look like Manda’s sister. Someone thought I was Alex’s sister a few weeks ago and it made me feel very good! ha!

I love you! And I’m still super sorry I didn’t call you on your bday.

Julie wrote on August 11, 2009 - 10:53 am
#10

I found 40 to be a time I reflected as you are, about beauty and age and who I am and where I’m going, and where I’ve been and all. I found the actual 40th year very liberating, free-ing…yet now at 42 I feel a bit strange again, I see more age on my face yet in my mind I am younger so the question of beauty and inner beauty is in question again.

Somehow being 42 I feel closer to 50 and that’s odd BUT it is a defining time in our lives and it’s not all bad.

Hey, you look about 32 Annie – so you’ve been so awesomely blessed. May God bless you heaps as you enter this new decade.

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Karen wrote on August 12, 2009 - 9:12 pm
#11

Prayers that your birthday was filled with many blessings!! Prayers for a year full of blessings. You will make 40 look gorgeous!!

Is it any consolation that I am way oooooooooooolllllllllllllldddddddddder that you??

Love all the thoughts you were sharing–beauty, growing up and all. Each year I ponder what another year means–heck everyday I look in the mirror, really–I think, “Wow!! I don’t feel old enough to be this old!”

Enjoy 40!

Julie

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Joyful Days wrote on August 15, 2009 - 11:11 pm
#12

Hi Girlfriend! Remember me? I’ve been such a bad blog friend lately. Life has been crazy/busy and my computer time has been limited. I hate it.

Don’t you worry sweet friend. Age is just a number. And your number is a good one.

Hugs!
Kat

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Kat wrote on August 16, 2009 - 7:46 pm
#13

I hope you had a great bday sweet blog/fb friend! It is sorta hard when you enter a new decade, it seems so significant doesn’t it! You do look young, enjoy your 40’s!

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Gail wrote on August 23, 2009 - 7:22 am
#14

Life starts at any age you want it to. Enjoy and celebrate!

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Pola@Cheap Coach Bags wrote on August 24, 2009 - 8:38 pm
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